Everything You Wanted to Know about Breastfeeding, Sex and Breast Milk Fetishes but Were Afraid to Ask
June 11th to the 17th is National Men’s Health Week, so men take center stage at this month’s b5media Science and Health Theme Day hosted by Gloria at Cancer Commentary. It’s a bit hard for a breastfeeding blog to participate in a theme day about Men’s Health (unless men want to hear about all the benefits they received as a breastfed baby) so I thought I’d take this opportunity to talk about men’s sexual health and answer some burning questions men may have about breastfeeding, sex and breast milk fetishes.
How does breastfeeding affect my wife’s sex drive?
Any new mother whether breastfeeding or not needs time to heal from giving birth. Even after a woman gets cleared by her doctor to resume sexual relations, she may not be ready to do so. Having a new baby is a huge adjustment, both on a mother and on a marriage.
As to whether the breastfeeding mother has more or less sex drive than the bottle-feeding mother, the jury is out. The Breastfeeding Answer Book
Masters and Johnson (1966) say that breastfeeding mothers are more comfortable with their own sexuality and therefore are more anxious to resume sexual relations with their husbands than are their formula-feeding counterparts.
Recent research is mixed. Some studies indicate that breastfeeding mothers are less interested in sex after childbirth (Byrd 1988; Glazener 1997; Visness and Kennedy 1997) while other studies conclude that breastfeeding mothers are more sexually active than their formula-feeding counterparts (Al Bustan 1995).
At any rate, breastfeeding mothers may need a little more foreplay and assistance. When estrogen levels are low, some women may experience vaginal dryness. That’s when extra loving attention and a water-based lubricant such as K-Y Jelly
Those early months can leave any mother feeling tired, emotionally drained and “all touched out.” A husband can help his wife get in the mood by speaking her “love language.” In his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate
For example, a husband who performs Acts of Service for his wife such as making dinner one night, taking the baby in the morning so his wife can sleep in, or tidying the house is more likely to have a loving wife who speaks his love language of Physical Touch. Get the idea?
My wife’s breasts squirt milk during sex. Is this common?
For some women, the hormones released during sexual intercourse trigger let-down of the milk. This certainly is not the case for all women. I’ve never had it happen but I have friends who experienced it. Luckily their husbands did not mind and just laughed it off!
To diminish the possibility, a mother can breastfeed the baby or express some milk beforehand. If she does leak anyway, she can keep a towel at the ready and apply pressure to the nipples to stop the milk flow.
Is breastfeeding a sexual act?
No, breastfeeding is not sexual. It could be described as sensory, but not sexual.
But I’ve heard some women have an orgasm while breastfeeding. Is that true?
I like what One Hot Mama has to say on this subject:
As for the physical, just like in sex, some people feel every feeling quite intensely, others hardly at all. The erogenous zones are, like our faces and personalities, unique. So some women do feel stimulated, while I, for example, feel, well, nothing. (Perhaps I should speak to my doctor). Here’s what my favourite breastfeeding expert, author Janet Tamaro [her book is So That’s What They’re For!
] has to say about having, say, an orgasm while nursing: “Don’t panic … Your brain has just secreted a hormone that is telling your body to feel good. This does not make you a child molester, and it doesn’t make breastfeeding immoral. … It’s not that likely, so try not to worry about it or let it stand in the way of a comfortable breastfeeding relationship with your baby.” In other words, take that good feeling, and use it on your partner.
I’m curious what breast milk tastes like. Can I try some?
If your wife is willing, sure! You can taste it straight from the source (as Chandler said, the packaging certainly appeals to adults!) or from a cup. It tastes sweet and a whole heck of a lot better than artificial milk. Don’t take my word for it though–read what this Penn State professor had to say!
Keep in mind that there’s a difference between a healthy curiosity about breast milk and an obsession with it. Since starting Breastfeeding 1-2-3 last year, I’ve come to learn that there are men out there with breast milk fetishes. If you don’t have a partner willing to share some breast milk, you’re sorry out of luck. Don’t try harassing a breastfeeding counselor or a milk bank for some (seriously, you will have the police show up on your doorstep). There are ways to buy milk on-line, but beware that buying milk on-line comes with inherent risks for your health. Unpasteurized breast milk can transmit HIV, syphilis and hepatitis A and B among other things.
There are legitimate reasons for adults to consume breast milk. Some cancer patients drink breast milk to boost their immune systems and reduce the effects of chemotherapy. That’s not just some wacky, far-out idea either. Scientific evidence supports the promising anti-cancer powers of breast milk.
Feel free to share your (G-rated) experience in the comments. Moms, has breastfeeding affected your sex drive? Dads, has breastfeeding (and any attendant increase in bust size) changed how you feel about your wife? Also, please take a moment to vote in the poll in the side bar.
Tags: breast milk, breastfeeding, carnival, lactation, sexRelated Stories
POSTED IN: breast milk, breastfeeding, carnival
20 opinions for Everything You Wanted to Know about Breastfeeding, Sex and Breast Milk Fetishes but Were Afraid to Ask
Sinead@BreastFeedingMums
Jun 6, 2007 at 11:20 am
Wow, fascinating stuff, Angela! And extremely well researched :) Thanks for putting this all together…
Kristen King
Jun 6, 2007 at 11:29 am
Angela, this is an awesome article. I have to admit, I’ve wondered about some of this stuff. We don’t have kids yet, but we’re already totally committed to breastfeeding. I’m going to forward this to my very pro-breastfeeding husband. :]
Kristen
Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Jun 6, 2007 at 11:43 am
Thanks Sinead and Kristen! Naturally I was a little nervous about writing on this subject so I appreciate the positive feedback!
TheLactivist
Jun 6, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Well done Angela! Lots of good info in there, lots of things people aren’t willing to ask or talk about. I’ll be linking over from The Lactivist.
Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Jun 6, 2007 at 12:15 pm
Thanks Jennifer! It is a bit of a taboo subject but I think it’s helpful to put that information out there.
Jesse King
Jun 6, 2007 at 1:09 pm
… I’m going to forward this to my very pro-breastfeeding husband. :]
Great article!
From the still very pro-breastfeeding husband!
Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Jun 6, 2007 at 1:13 pm
Yay, a male perspective! Thanks Jesse!
Jennifer
Jun 6, 2007 at 1:13 pm
This is a topic often ignored but also often wondered about. Openly sharing such information from competent professional resources helps to de-mystify such taboos. Good work, Angela!
B5 Science and Health Channel Theme Day: It’s All About Them Men!
Jun 6, 2007 at 4:18 pm
[…] At Breastfeeding 1-2-3 Angela has posted her perhaps most controversial and titillating post yet, wherein she answers some of men’s sexual health questions in “Everything You Wanted to Know about Breastfeeding, Sex and Breast Milk Fetishes but Were Afra…. […]
Jason
Jul 15, 2007 at 7:13 am
My wife just had our third child and is still in the engorgement stage, nursing and pumping the excess (a lot of it). Although she is normally well endowed and I enjoy her breasts all the time, all I have to say is “WOW!” She is normally a D cup, but has experienced (with each child) the normal 2 cup or so increase in size. This period of one of the most difficult in a marriage sexually due to the requirement to abstain from intercourse and the added visual stimulation to the husband, especially if he is particularly attuned to the wonders of the breasts. But I thank God that my wife is understanding and a good sport about the greater-than-normal abundance of my wide-eyed looks in her direction. I’m looking forward to the resumption of active sexual relations with my wife with the added interest of lactating breasts - not a fetish thing, but one of the many beautiful shades of color that God created in the union of a man and wife that ebbs and flows over time.
Ralphie D
Dec 5, 2007 at 2:34 pm
Not until we had our 5th child(!) did this happen. I was really missing out on something extraordinary. One night my wife was painfully engorged on one side because she hadn’t nursed the baby on both sides before putting him to bed. We were on the brink of an intimate interlude and she planned to get him up afterwards to nurse him. In the meantime she asked me to be careful not to touch that one because it hurt.
At a high level of passionate involvement, I asked if she wanted me to help relieve the pressure for her. She said sure, and I did. I can hardly describe the sum of these delights. It was not the last time I enjoyed this under similar circumstances. To be honest, I always now secretly hope it gets worked in when we make love. I be very sad when it’s over and she’s done nursing, as those breasts will not be quite the same.
By the way, I asked her if it “kinked her out,” and she emphatically rejected that, so we are both getting more comfortable with it. I think a man can really enjoy his wife and her body in a number of different ways, and what that looks like in practice will change from time to time.
Jim
Dec 31, 2007 at 10:50 pm
I have to admit that I think it is delicious as well. And when it suddenly appeared during lovemaking with my wife, I found it to be very exciting. Yet I certainly don’t confuse this arousal factor with its intended purpose.
Perhaps my wife thought I was a little weird for liking the breast milk thing introduced to our lovemaking, but she did seem to accommodate me fully.
Melody
Jan 1, 2008 at 2:32 pm
Adult Breastfeeding is more than a fetish, it can be a wonderful bonding element in an imtimate relationship. I enjoyed your article, but would like to see more done on women like me that re-lactate for the enjoyment of our partner and ourselves for ABF and ANR.
James
Mar 17, 2008 at 5:34 pm
I find lactation (during sex) to be very erotic and exciting. My wife seemed to feel ok about it at that time, but later rejected the idea. I almost begged her to keep it in the lovemaking, but she thought I was weird for it all.
Oh well.
Diane
Apr 3, 2008 at 9:21 am
I have three children and am expecting my fourth. I have breast fed them all and plan to do so with this one. As far as introducing the whole adult nursing thing into the love making……..I think it’s great! I have had many experiences with it in the past with my husband and actaully can’t wait to have those feelings again. Personallly, I think it brings a different level of closeness to the relationship. I’ve even considered pumping after the baby is done nursing to continue to be able to have that closeness from time to time. If that makes me wierd then so be it!!
CJ
May 2, 2008 at 12:11 pm
Great article, and I really enjoyed the thread of comments. I echo the comment that the loving intimacy and closeness a mother experiences in nursing a child can likewise be experienced with a spouse even if more sexual overtones are part of it. My husband and I are fortunate to enjoy that, and I don’t think it is as kinky as some may protest. As a mother of three preemies, I failed at long term successful nursing, but pumped breast milk for all three children because I absolutely believe in its health benefits. My husband nursing me fulfilled for me something I thought I had failed in. I love the man for many things, and this is one!
Adam
May 12, 2008 at 8:53 pm
My wife and I stumbled upon this wonderful gift when she became overfull and baby was asleep for the night. Have enjoyed it immensely ever since. Think it’s better than the frustration caused by waiting for normal relations to resume.
Might even save marriages!
Good work Jesse!
Selena
May 18, 2008 at 3:56 pm
This is what i was lookin for. Im about 9 weeks pregnant. My husband is a truck driver and when i see him all we want to do is have sex and enjoy eachother untill he goes on the road again. With being a first time mother , i have so many questions about sex during pregnancy. About breasts and sex is one of them! Thankyou so much! Im glad to see were not “weird” in the act of sex and brests pleasure. Its always been , but with the lactation thing I dont feel so weird about that expercance with him.
uzra
May 23, 2008 at 1:39 am
I have been nursing my children (now3) for well over last 5 years. Overall the experience has been quite rewarding, indeed, enjoyable, especially as both in my family and my DH’s extended nursing is quite common (average age of CLW being around 7 years). My husband, being quite conservative, has never tasted my milk though he does not mind my frequent letdown at his chest while we are making love.
But of late another problem has been worrying me. In the past, several times I experienced ‘very pleasurable sensation’ while nursing babies, and even experienced orgasm a few times. It has been becoming more frequent now. I somehow feel guilty about it. When I mentioned this to my doctor, she laughed it out saying that it is not uncommon and that I am lucky to get orgasms that way also. She told me that so long as I don’t have any erotic feelings towards my babies, orgasms due to sheer physical stimulation should not mean anything to me. Very recently I came across an article at the following address that increased my woes on the situation. I would like others to also read and give their reaction:
Thanks. One may also respond to me at my e-mail address here..
Uzra
Adam
May 23, 2008 at 3:28 pm
Hi Uzra,
Don’t worry, your breasts were designed to give you pleasure when you breastfeed. The same hormone is realeased when you feed as when you make love. It’s part of the plan to help you enjoy breastfeeding longer as it is best for your children and it’s also a great way to keep your husband happy when you are too tired to make love.
Enjoy exspressing your love to all your family.
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