Fostering Independence in the Breastfed Child
Have you ever heard any of the following misguided statements?
“She needs to learn to separate from you and be independent. Just leave and I’ll get her to take a bottle.”
“You’re spoiling that child by picking her up so much!”
“He’ll never want to leave your bed!”
While my family supports my attachment parenting style, I have read and heard those statements elsewhere. Of course I have ignored them entirely and done what’s best for my family. Still, I always wanted to say, “Just you wait and see! My daughter will blossom into an independent, self-assured child! The time and attention I am giving her now are an investment in her future behavior!” I kept my mouth shut though, because really, if people are going to make those kinds of statements, they probably aren’t going to listen to the parenting philosophy of a first-time mother. But now the time has come for me to say, “I told you so!” ;)
I nursed my first daughter on cue (I don’t like the term “on demand.” I listened to her cues and nursed her whenever she needed to be nursed). We co-slept. I let her stay by my side at playgroup and I took her with me everywhere I went. I used a sling and practiced child-led weaning. In spite of all that–or rather, because of all that–my child has grown into a secure, confident almost-five-year-old. I have the evidence to prove it….
Right around the time my toddler night-weaned, my daughter decided she no longer wanted to share a bed with her sister. She wanted her own room with her own bed. She became very territorial about it. Not mean, not rude, just very protective of her own things and especially her own bed. I found that out one morning after I dared to get a little sleep in her bed. She saw me there and didn’t say a word, but later that day she grabbed a piece of scratch paper, a black crayon and some blue painter’s tape and made the following sign and taped it to her bedroom door:
It’s actually a very polite sign. See the smiley-face stickers on it? She simply wanted to make it quite clear–in black bubble letters with underlining–that no one else should sleep in her bed! The child who once needed me by her side, wanted me to co-sleep and nurse her through the night, now kicked me out for good! It’s a good thing and I’m proud of how she’s asserting herself and her independence. I only worry a little bit what she’ll be like in her teens….
Tags: breastfeeding, humor, lactation, mothering, preschoolersRelated Stories
POSTED IN: breastfeeding, humor, mothering
12 opinions for Fostering Independence in the Breastfed Child
MotherOfThree
Mar 29, 2007 at 8:56 am
Maybe the sign is upside down. Maybe it’s supposed to say “on” as in “mom you can get on my bed any time you want to”. :-)
Good for you for raising an independent daughter. She may be a handful when she’s older, but I think at some point you will be very happy that you have raised a young woman who knows how to say “NO” when she means it . . .
Angela
Mar 29, 2007 at 9:05 am
Thanks. She really is a sweet girl and I really do believe that attachment parenting combined with giving her some control over small things (like being able to put a sign on her door) will prevent major problems in the future. Of course I can’t prove it now — I’ll just have to come back again in another eight years for another “I told you so” post LOL
Parent Wonder
Mar 29, 2007 at 10:08 am
When I first got to know about AP, I thought this parenting style would nurture “attached children” that are dependent on you. But you prove it wrong and it’s important to know that when the time comes, it comes.
Hanmee
Mar 30, 2007 at 2:57 am
haha…thst’s cute :)
Allen Holman
Apr 9, 2007 at 3:49 am
hehe, thats just adorable.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and stories!
Csara
Apr 9, 2007 at 6:10 am
That’s great. I am hoping to see those same types of things with my wonderful son. He is only 21 months old right now and still very much needing to be by my side most of the time, but I hope that it will pay off and help him become independent when the time is right.
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Apr 9, 2007 at 6:33 am
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Summer
Apr 9, 2007 at 5:46 pm
That’s such a cute story!
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Melissa R. Garrett
May 7, 2007 at 4:54 am
Thanks! I really needed to read this article this morning. My youngest is 22 months old and has been, by far, the most attached of my three. I nurse her “on cue” as well, and she still sleeps beside me most of the night. The thing is, while my husband was supportive in the beginning, he’s now asserting that all of this HAS to come to an end. I’ve never been one of those moms who can let her child “cry it out.” I tell him that she has an obvious need that we should try to meet, and that she will eventually stop nursing and sleep in her own bed. All I hear is, “She’ll be nursing until she’s five.” Hopefully not (for my own sanity), but it’s hard all the same when one of your biggest supporters is all of a sudden turning out not to be.
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