More Moms Nursing Older Children
There’s a fascinating and positive article in the Boston Globe today about how more and more women–mainly highly educated women (thank you very much)–are choosing to breastfeed their toddlers, preschoolers and older children. Barbara F. Meltz wrote “Supply and demand: Evidence suggests more women are breast-feeding their children until they’re toddlers and older — and they’re not just earth-mother stereotypes.” (March 31, 2007). The article is very well researched and it contains quotes from top academicians, authors, La Leche League leaders and even my recent interview subject, Dr. Jane Morton.
If you’re interested in discussing this topic, join parenting writer Barbara Meltz for an on-line chat Monday, April 2, 2007 at noon Eastern Standard Time at Boston.com.
Tags: breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding, fun fact, lactation, newsRelated Stories
POSTED IN: breastfeeding, extended breastfeeding
59 opinions for More Moms Nursing Older Children
Jill
Apr 1, 2007 at 5:11 pm
I love visiting your site for two reasons: your articles are thoroughly researched and well written, and you are supportive of all mothers - you don’t show a bias for or against mothers in any situation, whether they are having trouble learning to breastfeed, are working full-time and pumping at work, are weaning after six months or waiting until their children choose to wean. As your sister, I am very proud of you for all you do for women, moms, and families!
Angela
Apr 1, 2007 at 5:19 pm
Thanks Jill! That’s so nice to hear and I really appreciate your support!
Colleen Newman, author of Near Mama's Heart
Apr 9, 2007 at 2:05 pm
I completely agree will Jill. That is why I love visiting your site too. I missed the chat but I bet it was interesting. I am still nursing my daughter Claire. She is potty trained, almost 26 months and still nursing! I guess you could say she is “older”! lol! Thanks again Angela!
Missie
Apr 10, 2007 at 11:17 am
I fed my son for 6 months and my oldest daughter until her 4th birth day and my next daughter until somewhere around 3yo when I got pregnant with my twins who are exclusively breastfeeding and are now 3 1/2 months old. Of course, I am an “earth-mother stereotype” to an extent and always learning new ways to get closer to that. ;)
Trisha
Jun 10, 2007 at 9:29 am
I have always heard, and believed, that your child should wean himself off the breast in his own time. I have studied the benefits, and had no problem breast feeding my child past the age of three. I had a second child who weaned herself off the breast at age 2. She is now 4. However, my son is now 7 years old and continues to breast feed. When he gets home from school, he immediately nuzzles up to my breasts and wants to suck. He likes to do this before tackling his “big boy” chores like homework. I am beginning to wonder if I should intervene and put an end to this. Is there anyone out there who continues to breastfeed their older child? What is the age of the oldest child you have heard still breastfeeding? What if my son never wants to leave my breasts? I am concerned and don’t know what to do. At the same time, I still have the strong belief that my son should wean himself off the breast, and that if he continues to drink my breast milk, it is because he still needs it.
carol
Jul 10, 2007 at 3:39 pm
I know of two older children still at the breast. One is 6 and the other is almost 8 years old. I think they will wean when they are ready. It is not like they are nursing every hour thoughtout the day. It is more of a comfort things and reconnection with mom. If you and your son still need that connection then it is your choice.
Kamala
Jan 26, 2008 at 3:48 am
As far as i am concerned, breastfeeding is a very much personal thing and that for me i am a mother of 6 children of which 4 of them have been weaned when they were at 8 years old and now i am still breastfeeding my third and fourth child who are 8 years old (son) and my 6 years old (daughter). Breastfeeding is a motherly affection and a feeling of caring for the children and it is not “sex”.
Just imagine if there is no medical facility or any hospital or community medical canter nearby, then what will a mother do. She will eventually take a precaution of breastfeeding the child till he or she is grownup.
My situation is the same and that for me the nearest medical facility is about 150 miles away, so i decided to breastfeed my children until they are strong enough health wise. Weaning my children is not a problem at all.
lilkunta
Jan 27, 2008 at 9:18 pm
Trisha, Carol, Kamala
Having 6,7,8 yrs old still breastfeeding is bad. That is not neccessary. They have your immunities and nutrition. They are eating solid foods.
I hope you arent stunting/hurting them & not realising it.
Rebuttal
May 7, 2008 at 12:44 pm
@lilkunta:
I stumbled across this article doing some research into this subject and saw your comment to the three moms above. According to the article that this one references, it will not hurt the baby/child to continue nursing long term. Here is a quote:
“There are no medical or psychological reasons not to nurse long term,” she says. “It’s frowned on in the US because the breast has become so highly sexualized.” She says it’s a myth to think that a child who nurses long term will not develop autonomy.
Leslie
May 7, 2008 at 1:37 pm
I was so completely appalled to see that there are mothers that are actually nursing their children at these ages! This is very disturbing to me and to many others.
What happens when other children find out about a child who is still breastfeeding at this age? Don’t you care that they will be terrorized at school and will be social outcasts?
Trisha
May 9, 2008 at 4:49 pm
Thank you, Kamala, for your words of support for breastfeeding older children! My son is now 8 years old. He will soon be 9. I have since learned that a friend of mine has been secretly breastfeeding her son who is 10 years old. She says that they cuddle on the couch after he returns home from school, where she allows him to suckle at her breasts while relaxing and watching tv. These 10 minutes of mother-son quality time has done much to bond them. However, she has told me that her 10 year old son has begun to rub her breasts, play with her other nipple, while he sucks at the other breast. She has also noticed that he recently has begun to develop erections while at her breast. Is it normal for a child to have an erection while suckling at his mother’s breasts? She’s not sure what to do about this. She doesn’t want to cause him alarm, or give hiim the impression that erections are a bad thing. But truthfully, I would not want my son to have an erection and masturbate while he is drinking from my breasts! Since my son will be 9 soon, I need to consider this possibility. I wonder if my son will EVER ween himself off of my breasts, as suggested by many professionals and friends. I don’t want to be in the predicament that my friend is in.
Julie (a.k.a. Leslie above)
May 9, 2008 at 5:40 pm
Oh My God! That is just WRONG! How can someone breastfeed a child that is 10 years old? I think it’s time for child services to step into this situation immediately.
Uzra Khatoon
May 15, 2008 at 8:31 pm
Being a bio-mom of three children (5.5 years, about 4 years and 15 months) and a committed CLW mother I was very happy to read experiences of others on this site. My eldest still nurses at times when others are not around. The other too are also going strong. I thing nursing older children is more a matter of comforting and strengthening the precious mother-child bond. it is indeed a very personal affair to which no rules. medical norms or customs need be applied. I have known a mother who sometimes suckles her 14 year old DS (as he has been having bouts of depression) with good results. The average age of weaning is also going up in my country thanks to the new awareness amongst mothers.
Uzra
Thea
May 18, 2008 at 5:49 pm
In regards to the 9 and 10 year old (the erection child) what thoughts or memories will be in his mind when he sucks the breasts of his wife 15 or so years later? How odd to have a connection in memory between your mother and the woman you are making love with.
Uzra Khatoon
May 20, 2008 at 10:55 am
Thea has raised an interesting issue. Let us hope that by the time children nursed till ages that they can quite remember nursing by their moms get married, they are able to distinguish between the emotional protection they used to feel at mothers’ breasts and the erectile passion they experience by seeing the breasts of their wives. Incidentally grown up children quite often see their mothers’ naked breasts but they don’t find them erotic but if they see their wives’ breasts they generally get aroused. Well, this is my reaction to the issue. I would like to see what others have to say.
Uzra
SUE
May 30, 2008 at 8:08 am
Way to go Trisha My son is 9 and still breastfeeding. He loves it when he gets home from school and has time with me. I think that it makes him relax. He just helps himself. I feel when he is ready to wean he will until then I will keep on letting him breastfeed.
Lily
May 30, 2008 at 9:55 am
Hey, interesting views. I don’t have kids but do plan on having them, and despite being 16 will share my views = ] I think it is very much a ‘western view’ that breastfeeding a toddler as opposed to a baby is wrong. To me, I do think it more odd when the child is at school and still being breastfed, but until it reaches the age of about 7 I don’t see it as an issue. The only reason I do is because I remember a lot from when I was 7, and I think the trouble with remembering breastfeeding from your Mum a lot is that there could be something in later life with future partners and it isn’t something to me that should be remembered particularly. I know the bond is important, and I know mother/child love spending time this way, but the 10 year old who is beginning to have erections will no doubt have thoughts through his mind when he is 13+ wondering why his Mother gave him an erection…
uzra
May 31, 2008 at 12:27 am
So, it would seem, breastfeeding (mostly for comfort) older chidren is a matter between the mother and the son and many women who practice it don’t want to share with others. (I congratulate Kamala for her post). But if an older child gets an erection (or a female child gets aroused’ due to breastfeeding by his mother’ it is a serious matter and perhaps in the realm of incestual behaviour. But if one is sure that no erotic thoughts are involved I see no harm to allow an older child to suckle breasts.
Uzra
Shannon D.
Jun 2, 2008 at 3:20 pm
I see nothing wrong with breastfeeding older children. My best friend let her children decide when they wanted to wean themselves. Her daughter stopped at 3 years old on her own. Her son not until he was 11. He nursed when her came home from school for a few mintues and then for an hour at bedtime and sometimes slipped into her room at night and nursed. He is 19 now and he has no memory of nursing at all. He began having erections at 7 and my friend just ignored it. He is the most secure loving young man and very kind to women his own age and I think it did him a lot of good to nurse until age 11. People in this country are too hung up on right and wrong and need to let things happen naturally.
uzra
Jun 3, 2008 at 12:04 am
Shannon, I don’t think I could have put more beautifully than you. I also admire the attitude of your friend and the manner in which she ignored the erections of her DS. perhaps she was quite sure that such rsponse was not their due to his exposure to and touching of her breasts.
Uzra Khatoon
Trisha
Jun 7, 2008 at 12:04 pm
Shannon,
Thanks for the words of support. Good to hear that you also are breastfeeding an older child! I’m glad I’m not alone. I have met two other moms who are breastfeeding their older children. We are thinking of forming a breastfeeding circle where our children can see that there are other older children who enjoy the good feelings associated with breastfeeding. A playdate of sorts, where the children can take breaks to go at mom’s breasts as they like, in the company of other children doing the same, without the negative secrecy. This country needs to get rid of it’s negative association of breasts and breastfeeding. Having this type of circle is a start.
Regarding your friend who ignored her 7 yr old son’s erections with breast in mouth: I have followed suit. As my son suckles, and rubs my other nipple, he sometimes takes my hand and places it over his erection, rubbing it with my hand. So that he does not turn breastfeeding into a sexual experience that involves mommy, I take my hand away and instead give him affection that is more appropriate, like rubbing his head, playing with his hair, or caressing his shoulder. He doesn’t get upset and it appears he just wants affection and attention, not to be sexually stimulated!! If he rubs his erection while breastfeeding, I just pretend that I don’t notice. I think when he is at my breasts suckling and caressing, he is in heaven where all stress is reduced, he feels loved, accepted, and acknowledged. Isn’t that what all humans want? Is it that bad if some older children get those good feelings from being at mom’s breasts? Is it really that sinful for a child to have an erection? We are all sexual human beings capable of sexual feelings. Ignoring his erection gives him a sense of acceptance. Pulling him away, wrapping up the goods, getting up and leaving just fosters a child’s perception that sex is bad, dirty, nasty.
uzra_khatoon
Jun 8, 2008 at 12:19 am
I have been thinking hard about infusion of sexual feelings and breastfeeding. I thought I should share my thoughts that are presently in the nature of loud thinking on the matter. Many of us do feel at times sexually aroused while nursing but ignore it as unintebded sheer physical reflex and quite often call off nursing in that session. With smaller children any explicit sexual feeling from their side by nursing or touching mother’s breast, is absent. Why, I have even noticed mothers non-chalantly touching the penis of babies while nursing but devoid of any sexual feelings. Actually, it seems that sexual feelings acquire significance if the continuation of action leads to that type of fullfilment or stimulates further action in that direction. So long as all these conditions are not there, erection or no erection, breastfeeding older children may not be offensive.
I was also wondering whether mothers nursing older children or dry-nursing them frankly talk to them about how they feel about it.
Trisha, I liked your idea of some sort of a get together of mothers with older children with the purpose of diffusing the unnecessary hype due to nursing of older children. I wish I were in a position to participate.
Uzra
Kristina
Jun 9, 2008 at 11:35 am
Being a mother of nine children twin girls that are 15 sons that are 14-11-10-9- twin girls that are 6 and and my last son who is 3 year old.
All nursed past 2. All are wean but 2. One of my 6 years old girls still nurses a few times a day. The baby 3 still going strong. so put me on the freak train. Letting my children lead the way
lilkunta
Jun 10, 2008 at 7:13 pm
@rebuttal May 7, 2008 at 12:44 pm
This is angela’s opinion. What about the numerous others that say otherwise.
You really c no problem with a 9yr old b/f? The kid is in 3rd grade ! What is the 9yr old is asked to write or draw their afterschool schedule & then present it 2 the class. That 9yr old will be ridiculed!
—
@Trisha
There is a reason your friend is “secretly b/f her 10yr old son”, she knows she is wrong & should stop! He is having an erection 4 goodness sake! She can bond w her son by colouring, having a pillow fight, baking cookies, etc.
Father’s do /maintain their bond & quality time & they rnt b/f their kids.
Trisha, pls tel your friend that her “baby” is playing with your breasts, he is NOT a baby anymore!
& Trisha, stop b/f your 9yr old. He is a big boy now.
lilkunta
Jun 10, 2008 at 7:17 pm
@Uzra Khatoon May 15, 2008 at 8:31 pm
What county r u in/from?B/f may be up but I dont think mom r doing it to age 5!
5.5 yrs old is in school now. He can urinate & defecate in the toilet. He can eat solid fods & use a knife/fork. STOP b/f.
For your friend who is b/f her 14yr old: B/f isnt a cure for depression. Get a therapist or psychiatrisy or psychologist. Go running . Use light therapy. If the situation is very serious perhaps medication.
lilkunta
Jun 10, 2008 at 7:18 pm
@Thea
AMEN! Bravo !
TheaMay 18, 2008 at 5:49 pm
In regards to the 9 and 10 year old (the erection child) what thoughts or memories will be in his mind when he sucks the breasts of his wife 15 or so years later? How odd to have a connection in memory between your mother and the woman you are making love with.
lilkunta
Jun 10, 2008 at 7:40 pm
@uzra May 20, 2008 at 10:55 am :
Instead of hoping make it DEFINITE. If you stop & rnt b/f until such a ridculous age as 15 they wont remember. 5 is a stretch bc some kids DO remember that age.
Is it emotional protection or moms not wanting to let go?
As Trish posted, kids ARE feeling erectile passion as her friends’s 10y old son is having erections and playing w his mom’s breasts.
& sadly I wish that were true but its nott. Boys do find their mom’s, auntie’s, sister’s breasts erotic & sexual.
Uzra Khatoon
Jun 12, 2008 at 8:18 pm
It seems no hard and fast rules can be laid down in the context of breastfeeding older children or laying down any age limit for the same. There are cultural differences, variations in family norms, differences in levels of awareness, and above all, what the two parties (mother and child) think proper and would be prepared to put up with. Generally, mother’s feelings towards the progeny are affectionate and pious and many of them have an identification with children’s well being. ‘Unintended’ sexual pleasure should not be thrust upon such feelings specially as there is natural abhoration to the same.
Lilkunta, breastfeeding here is not considered only on terms of nutritional need but as a sentimental re-cofirmation of a pious bond of a highest order. Hence, even significance of dry breastfeeding or even snuggling with the touch of bare breasts that immediately reminds a child of his / her ‘baby-days’ and the complete care showered by the mother then. Who does not want to be transported back to such feelings again and again? Similarly, a 14 year old son getting mental depression might find temporary solace in suckling mother’s breasts - not as a therapy but a momentary solace and diversion in mood anyway. hence being done in the case cited by me earlier. Let us not be harsh in giving warnings and deriding criticizing human behaviour and adjustment process in this regard. They are too complicated. Think over.
Uzra
Jaina
Jun 13, 2008 at 2:43 pm
Breastfeeding a child for up to a year is benefitional for a mother and child, but excuse me Trisha and others, are you completely insane? Children develop teeth for a reason. In case you didn’t know, teeth are for CHEWING FOOD. IMAGINE THAT! (note the sarcasm). Sons shouldn’t get erections from their mother’s breasts. You may not see it as sexual, but a boy at that age who gets an erection and caresses his mother’s breast and tries to get her to touch his penis obviously thinks of it sexually. This itself proves that you have psychologically damaged him. I guess you are too naive to realize that. Breastfeeding an infant is never a negative thing, but breastfeeding a child 2 and older is pointless and repulsive. Anyone who would breastfeed a child in Elementary School is either:
A.) Afraid to let the child grow up,
B.) A pedophile [Whether you admit it or not], or C.) Unable to afford the essentials in life such as solid food and water.
The reason the world’s breastfeeding average is so high is because of women in third world countries who are only doing it to keep their children ALIVE because there is no food available. Now THAT is the only valid excuse.
Just because other demented mothers you know breastfeed their GROWN children does not justify it. Some of you say it establishes a bond. That is true, if the child is an INFANT. Children, however, should bond with their mothers by hugging (fully clothed), baking cookies together, learning to ride a bike, reading stories together, and many more age-appropriate activities. Even wild animals wean their offspring when the teeth begin to develop, that is the way nature intended it. It’s amusing how some of you believe it is SO natural to breastfeed at 9! There is a limit to everything! Sometimes you have to say NO to a child, that’s part of being a responsible parent. Social services should definately step in, there should be a law against breastfeeding children when it is no longer necessary. I know many of you will try to make a “comeback”, go ahead. I’ve made my point, and if you don’t agree, then I shudder to think of what your child may become!
Uzra Khatoon
Jun 14, 2008 at 12:47 am
Reference Jaina’s post. If one comes to a discussion forum with a ‘holier than thou’ attitude, the outcome cannot be healthy and acceptable to all.
Uzra
Jaina
Jun 14, 2008 at 10:49 am
No, I don’t think I am “holier than thou” as you seem to think. I have a RIGHT to my post my opinion just like everyone else here. My opinion IS healthy and acceptable. Maybe I shouldn’t converse with people such as yourselves who cannot accept the fact that people are going to have a variety of different views and opinions on this topic. I just happen to have a DIFFERENT opinion than some of you. Get over it!
Richard
Jun 14, 2008 at 11:08 am
My wifes sister still brestfeeds her 9 yr old and I understand he as erections wile on the breast I think it is a normal thing
Jaina
Jun 14, 2008 at 7:37 pm
I feel really sick to my stomach just by reading some of these posts. I’m not joking in the least. Seek psychological therapy.Some of you are in denial, BIG TIME. I don’t care what any of you say to ‘justify’ it, you know deep down that you should not have a nine year old CHILD breastfeeding! Anyone who approves of this type of behavior has lost their mind (if they even had one to begin with). I’m so appalled, I do not think I’ll be coming back to this forum. It’s sad that people are so ignorant. Does anyone use common sense anymore? BYE, and to the people who agree with me on this, have a great Summer!
Sunshine
Jun 15, 2008 at 1:44 pm
Reading these posts, I’ve got to admit that I wish my mother had breastfed me for longer - she suckled me until I was 1, and I used to cry a lot when she suddenly stopped - abrupt weaning before the child is ready can make a child feel unloved/rejected.
I plan to breastfeed my babies for as long as they want to, up until maybe 2 or 3 years old. I think nursing for comfort is a great idea, and can’t wait to experience such joys of motherhood. Beyond that age, I worry that it would hold them back and make them too different from their peers. And while I think that budding sexuality is not to be discouraged or made to seem bad, I would be very worried if an older child were to feel aroused while suckling at my breast. Children start expressing curiosity about the other sex very early on, even around 6 or 7 years old, and when I was a teenager, I had a young boy that age once ask if he could touch my breast (I changed the subject to something else; didn’t want to encourage that!)
Do your older children have clear memories of being breastfed, when they enter their teens & twenties? Do you not worry it might affect their sexuality adversely? What if they compare their wife to their mother & she always falls short?
Trisha
Jun 16, 2008 at 8:04 pm
I don’t understand why the women who are insulted and offended by mom’s nursing older children would bother to read posts under the heading: “Mom’s Nursing Older Children.”
That’s like a woman feeling insulted by nude photos of women, but then picking up a magazine with photos of nude women to look at it.
If you can’t handle the topic, don’t read the posts!! Go to a different site.
Meanwhile, I appreciate the intelligence and open-mindedness of women like Uzra who have wisdom to share. Those who have nothing but insults to share… well… they’re not as impressive.
Sunshine
Jun 16, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Just wanted to clarify that I meant no offense to anyone by my post. I applaud women who have the mental strength & determination to do what feels right by them and their children, despite what must be loads of criticism from several quarters. I’m sure your children appreciate this, and that it only serves to strengthen your bond with them.
I am asking questions, because I would like to make informed decisions with my baby, and perhaps there are others doing the same here.. :-)
Trisha
Jun 17, 2008 at 10:12 pm
Sunshine, I wasn’t referring to you when wondering why women who take insult to the topic of nursing older children, are here reading a post titled, “Nursing Older Children.” I was referring to Jaina… her posts are judgmental, insulting, negative, hateful, and at times hostile. Her emotions get in the way. Sunshine, your curiosity, inquisitiveness, and hunger for information are refreshing!
Uzra Khatoon
Jun 18, 2008 at 12:19 am
Reference Jaina’s post of June 14 and Trisha’s of June 17.
First, Thanks a lot Trisha for putting matters in the right perspective.
Jaina’s post of June 14 only reflects the culture to which she belongs. Though I am not short of vacubalary, I won’t like to stoop to such low levels of behaviour as others have done here. This does not solve any problem, any way and we forego the benefit of courteous exchange of views. Incidentally, in the forums on the net, we do not talk to each other as such but express our views - sometimes we find people who agree with them and admire, at others we may not get any takers. But it does not behove if one takes the initiative of making disparaging personal remarks. Where one has no respect for others’ being and projects only a monstrous ego of righteousness, it is lowest form of humanity. There is a Moderator to this forum too who may please pay attention to how some people have been expressing themselves.
Uzra
Kayla
Jun 18, 2008 at 7:15 pm
Not to offend anyone, but I have a question. What if your child never stops? What if they are in their 40s, still live at home, and still nurse from you? Please give serious answers.
Kayla
Jun 19, 2008 at 12:38 pm
I guess what I’m asking is what you do in that situation? Would you tell him to stop, or would you allow him to do it until he dies?
Nicole
Jun 20, 2008 at 7:46 pm
I’m so glad to hear that there are other mothers breast feeding thier “older” children. I have 4 children, 3 of them are still on the breast. My oldest is 8, she weined herself off at age 4. My other children aged 6,4 and 18 months are all still feeding and will continue to do so until they decide otherwise. I love the time I spend with my children when they are nursing, you just feel closer to them.
Kayla
Jun 20, 2008 at 9:27 pm
[From the moderator, Angela: Please note that “Kayla” is the same person as Jaina, above, and she also posted as “Beverly” with another stoy below.] Anyone feel free to reply and answer my posts (June 18 and 19) whenever you get the chance. =] I would appreciate a response or two. I’m asking these questions because I am friends with a lady who is nursing her 17 year old son. I’ll admit it’s not something I would choose to do or allow my child to do at that age, but I want to help her make a decision. Her son states that he will “never” stop breastfeeding and that he expects to continue until he is well into his forties. I expect serious answers and suggestions as to whether he should be told to stop or if he should be allowed to nurse until he is in his forties or maybe even forever. She wants him to stop, but he says he is not ready and will not be ready to stop anytime soon. What are your views?
lilkunta
Jun 21, 2008 at 1:53 pm
@Uzra’s 12Jun 8:18 pm comment
There definitely can be hard rules enacted but mothers wouldnt follow them. Please be specific. What culture, family norm, awareness level, etc advocated b/f a 10,15,20 yr old?
Again I do not agree. A child’s wellbeing is not in danger if s\he isnt b/f to age 10,15,20 !
& how r u so sure teh sexual pleasure is unintended? The children are rubbing their penises and playing with the nipples, these are sexual acts.
Again I disagree. How do men have ’sentimental reconfirmation’ with their kids when they never b/f? Dry b/f, come on Uzra! Go have sex with your partner and stop getting pleassure from your child!
Snuggling is fine but why must the breasts be bare?
There are other ways to be reminded of baby days. I mean, why not put your 10/20 yr old in diapers, and then change him\her…that to is reminiscent of baby days. U c how silly that is..EXACTLY!
There are other ways to divert the depressed 14yr old, b/f isnt the only solace and diversion.
I am being harsh and criticising because a person w teeth should no be breastfeeding. These mothers need to stop.
Jaina
Jun 21, 2008 at 4:10 pm
I completely agree with lilkunta 100%. She makes more sense than any of you.
I know I said I would not be back, but what the heck. Trisha, the reason I came to this site in the first place is because I want to encourage people to stop this idiocy. Whatever Trisha, insult me all you want. I know it makes you feel better about your ‘behavior’. I still think you are as annoying and naive as ever. I feel in my heart that this behavior isn’t right…call it a hunch. It has NOTHING to do with the way I was raised. I also see no point or logic in breastfeeding at these ages. Listen: THESE CHILDREN HAVE TEETH AND CAN EAT FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. These kids eat the same food as you do,but you don’t still nurse from YOUR mother, DO YOU? And you, Uzra Khatoon, are a hypocrite. You seem to have quite an ego problem yourself. You all insult people for not supporting this behavior, yet complain when others insult you back. Uzra, exactly what type of ‘culture’ are you referring to when you said my post reflects my ‘culture’? You don’t know anything about my ‘culture’! Stop acting as if you know me. You all behave as if this is some sort of weird cult who supports breastfeeding KIDS.KIDS being the keyword here. I think it’s great to breast feed infants, NOT KIDS. I know I am being harsh, but I feel strongly about this topic.
Jill
Jun 21, 2008 at 8:16 pm
I don’t pretend to know what the magic age is to end breastfeeding. The interesting thing in this discussion is that there is not a definitive answer to which we can point and say “this is clearly right”.
I do think the argument of not breastfeeding after the baby develops teeth is a weak one — children develop teeth starting at 6 months old and have at least several by their first birthday. Saying a mother should stop breastfeeding once a child develops teeth would be going against most every health advocate’s recommendations.
I think what makes the most sense is to remain reasonable in the discussion. Name calling (such as saying someone is “naive” or “annoying” or an “idiot”) only serves to offend and polarize people. Even in the most selfish way in wanting to promote your own views, wouldn’t you want to make those who are reading your posts to be open to listening to and accepting them? Then I suggest maintaining some decorum in your posts. The “hey, you’re so awful therefore I’m right and you’re the devil and you suck” argument tends to negate what you actually might legitimately have to say. It just makes you sound hostile and unreasonable, thus taking the power out of the point you’re trying to make.
Congratulations to all of you that care so much about children and breastfeeding to participate in this debate.
richard
Jun 21, 2008 at 9:35 pm
As I said before my wifes sister still lets her 9 year old go to her breast. She says it helps him keep free of colds and things as it passes on her imunity to him. And she says erections are common with boys this age any way
Uzra Khatoon
Jun 22, 2008 at 2:31 am
I would reply to three posts - the last two of them having referred to mine specifically.
First, Kayla:
Until I read your post of 20th June, I thought you were posing a hypothetical question. But as a friend of yours is Bfing her son of 17 years who wished to continue till his 40s, the best person who can answer your query is your friend herself. But since you have raised it generally, I would like to react by saying that I very much regard my babies as extensions of my own self though they are very much different persons. I believe in CLW. Though the nutritional necessity of b’milk might be over at a very early age children in many cases continue bf’ing until much later; sometimes it is dry-nursing only as infrequent nursing might have dried milk in mother’s breast. This is obviously for fulfilling emotional needs. If the mother is uncomfortable with it, she may discourage it and come out of it. Those mothers who too reciprocate and find emotional (not sexual) solace from it should also not be criticized as respecting others feelings, so long as this does not harm others, is good culture. Who are we to intrude others’ private affairs? Personally, I don’t think that one might continue till 0s, 17 years is long enough. Please discretely check whether your friend was not kidding. Otherwise the ‘youngman’ might not be having sufficient other occupations to invest his attention and time.
“lilkunta”: Your posts do not provoke me though others would also see what they are. I can assure you that I am having extremely satisfactory sexual life with my husband and a parental life with my children. Sorry, your advice is misplaced and uncalled for. I can’ttake it.
Sexual feelings lie in and emante from mind. A woman’s breasts are sucked by both her husband and her baby. In the former case she might get aroused sexually and might long for further initiative from hubby. On the other hand, when she suckles children, it is pious love and a feeling for protecting them and doing whatever possible for their welfare. In case of lactating women sometime oxytocin gets released; the release of which also takes place when she is in throes of orgasm. But this cannot be an argument for stopping breastfeeding babies. Similarly, one should not argue that in allowing older children to suckle breasts is sexual and not just continuation of behaviour that they had been having till then.
‘Jaina dear’:
A person is a product of her culture; that you too must have been. That is what I meant. I do not want to use the adjective to describe your culture that becomes evident from the type of posts you have been making here. just one thing. In your post of June 1 you had expressed that you did not want to come back to this forum. Will you please keep up your promise, so that we can trust you at least to that extent.
Uzra
Trisha
Jun 22, 2008 at 7:54 am
Jill and Uzra,
Kudos for well written posts that reflect intelligence and good discussion with valuable points. Richard, thanks for your input which states facts without descrimination.
Whatever the topic, let’s see who can refrain from name-calling, insulting and bashing. Jaina, read my post again. I have not insulted YOU. It appears that much negativity has been ill-perceived along with the plethora of that which was dished out. Jaina, you will learn that you can have a strong stance about what you believe strongly in and be effective in your approach, without personal attacks, insults, and bashing. It will also reduce your stress levels while increasing your happiness. Try it, and be well. At this point, I don’t feel that responding to your posts is beneficial to me.
Uzra Khatoon
Jun 22, 2008 at 10:14 am
Towards the end of my post (of 22nd June) please read “June 14″ for June 1. The inadvertent mistake is regretted.
Uzra
Angela
Jul 6, 2008 at 7:44 pm
Jaina, also posing as “Kayla” above and now “Beverly,” has been posting comments such as the following, which I leave here to illustrate what is being done to manipulate an open discussion of extended breastfeeding. Jaina, if you post another comment again, or if anyone else posts something inappropriate, I will be forced to ban you from further comment. Generally my policy is to leave comments alone unless they are hurtful or not furthering discussion, and I’m sad to say your fabricated comments have far overstepped the bounds.
False comment posted by Jaina: “Hello everyone! I just wanted to ask a few questions… You see, my son is 16 1/2. I occasionally breastfeed him when he is under stress or at night before exams, tests, ect. The issue is, he begged me to make love to him. I told him no and that it was inappropriate to ask me to have sexual relations with him. He’s been trying to touch my private area (my vaginal area). It’s really begining to concern me. At times he has even became violent while breastfeeding, pinching my nipples extremely hard. I don’t know what the best course of action would be to make him stop behaving so violently and sexual while breastfeeding. He asked me if it was normal to become aroused when she saw my breasts…What should I tell him? It really breaks my heart that he is behaving this way… Should I stop breastfeeding him or should I contine until he is comfortable and ready? I want what’s best for him. Please help me out and give me your thoughts.
God Bless”
LEN
Jul 7, 2008 at 10:01 pm
I think its awful to fabricate comments, or to make a mockery of a serious and sensitive topic such as nursing your child. I actually found this discussion because I was trying to find information to help make the best decision for my child. When people make a mess of it, it may discourage someone else from using resources that are available, and make a decision they may regret.
Susan
Jul 11, 2008 at 10:50 pm
I have a 4 year old , a 3 year old, and a 6 month old. I don’t understand how people can breast feed so long. I think there are plenty of other ways to bond with a child. Just spending time together is the attention they want. It doesn’t mean you have to breast feed forever to get that quailty time with them.
Jerry
Jul 21, 2008 at 10:24 am
Hi Susan,
I found this site because I am concerned about my daughter nursing my 15 month old grandchild. Her mother is strongly encouraging her to stop. It seems she is reluctantly folding. Oddly enough she only entended to BF 6 months or so but now my grand child is waliking and talking throwing his bottle and begging for the breast. Now he is using a toodler cup and he likes it. My daughter can fill a cup in about 30 seconds. I havn’t heard anyone talk about that.
Until I read this thread I had no Idea that folks BF Toodlers. As for my wife the first time she got bit …. that part of her and the babies relationship was over.
I have come to the conclusion that BF till the baby is 2 years old is probably good for him. Unfortunately is this thread I had to wade through a lot of nonsence about pre-teens and teenager nursing. I don’t believe any of that madness for a second. I grew up in West VA everyone breastfed. Sex had nothing to do with it.
Susan
Jul 22, 2008 at 8:33 pm
I guess maybe I don’t understand it all. I will be honest my first baby was born at 35 weeks and I tried but she never took to breastfeeding. So when the other babies came along I just bottle feed them too. Maybe I would see it differently if I spent more time breastfeeding. I guess I will never know.
uzra khatoon
Jul 27, 2008 at 1:44 am
Reference Jerry’s ost of July 21.
It may be noticed from the article in the Boston Globe from which this thread started (please see link to the very first post) that it is an established fact that more and more educated women are now nursing children well beyond the age of 2 years - the age suggested by WHO, the outer limit mentioned by Jerry in his above cited post and the minimum age suggested in Islam. All I have to say here is that nursing is a very subjective and sublime relationship between the mother and the nursee and it would not be appropriate to suggest a norm of upper limit whether or not justified by “objective” facts. From the same token, it would not be appropriate to use epithets like ‘non-sense’ or ‘madness’ (reference Jerry’s post). If a thing does not appear appropriate to somebody, he or she may not do likewise, but calling names….?
Uzra
Justine
Aug 2, 2008 at 8:57 am
What great info, as a mum of a 9,7 and almost 3 year old, this has been great reading, my almost 3 year old just doesn’t want to give up the breast and still has a couple of feeds a day, the others weened themselves at 1 and 2 which suited me but I have been getting alot of pressure from my mother to ween her, it’s such a relief to know others out there doing the same, I think it would be more traumatic to take it away before they were ready, though I am ready to have my body back, I find it hard to say no to her, I am trying to distract her with activities, which works to an extent, after reading this though I don’t feel so guilty about feeding her, so thankyou!!
marissa
Aug 2, 2008 at 1:15 pm
My experience as a mom of three is that the child will indicate when he or she no longer desires to be nursed. My oldest daughter stopped nursing just after age 1, my second daughter at 18 months, but my youngest, a boy is still nursing at 4 years old.
He typically only nurses in the morning and late evening, and I will let him continue as long as he wants.
marissa
karen
Aug 3, 2008 at 8:10 am
I was reading the many post and glad to see more woman nursing longer. Children need that closeness and warmth of mom. Why not allow them to keep nursing. My daughter is still nursing a few times a day.Mostly evening and morning but I will allow her to lead the way. Keep up the good work. My DD just turned 6 years last week.
Jerry
Aug 3, 2008 at 11:48 pm
Re: Uzra
I support my daughters decision to BF. My grands are better off for it. The madness, and nonsense I was referring to is the post about teenagers, 11 and 12yrs olds nursing. and sex being introduced in nthe thread. I just don’t believe this is true. Both my children and grandchildrenwere weaned off the breast before they were weaned off mothers milk. I wanted to suggest that as an alternative to brest feeding school aged children. I try not to be judgemental. Just helpful
Jerry
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