Weaning A One-Year-Old (Mom to Mom #6)
A reader writes:
Q: I could use some weaning advice for mothers who have been feeding on demand. I just cannot work all day and nurse all night. I am truly at the end of my tether.
A: Good for you for breastfeeding your baby on demand for a full year! When you start to resent nursing, it signifies that it’s time to make a change. Your needs matter and you certainly do not want to transfer any resentment to the baby.
As you begin cutting back on nursing sessions you may find one of three things happens: (1) the baby happily accepts alternatives to breastfeeding and the weaning proceeds smoothly, (2) the baby resists weaning and you decide it’s easier to keep nursing than to continue efforts to wean, or (3) you cut back on some of the nursing sessions and discover you are content to continue breastfeeding at that level of frequency. Those are all good options because in the end you’ve made a decision with which you are comfortable. Remember that partial weaning is an option and breastfeeding does not have to be an all-or-nothing proposition unless you want it to be.
The book How Weaning Happens by Diane Bengson offers a great deal of discussion on the philosophy of weaning and includes a chapter on weaning tips and techniques. The The Nursing Mother’s Guide to Weaning (new edition out coming out this April) by Kathleen Huggins is another option but frankly, I think mothers who are truly looking for weaning advice are frustrated by both of these books. The books are great if you’re looking for the inspiration to continue nursing or you just want to guide your child gently through a combination of mother-led and child-led weaning. For more practical tips, try:
~ Kellymom’s resources on weaning
~ La Leche League’s Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) on weaning
~ My thoughts on gentle night-weaning
Here are some tips to get you started. Rule number one for weaning is proceed slowly. That allows the baby to adapt gradually and helps the mother avoid engorgement, plugged ducts and mastitis.
Many mothers make a lot of initial progress by following the simple principle of “don’t offer, don’t refuse.” You may find that you were initiating some of the nursing sessions yourself, either because you recognized the need or it was convenient for you to nurse at that time (I confess to having nursed my child so that I could get through a telephone conversation uninterrupted!) If you do not offer to nurse, you may find your child is willing to go longer between each nursing session. Then when the child finally does ask to nurse, you do not refuse because you know you’ve already made some progress in weaning.
For further progress, continue by eliminating the easiest feeding to drop and save the hardest (the one the baby wants the most) for last. I suspect for your baby the hardest nursing sessions to drop may be the first one when you get home from work and the last one before your baby goes to sleep.
Cut back on one feeding at a time, waiting 4-7 days in between. Talk to your doctor about what to substitute for the dropped feeding. For example, for children over age one you might decide to offer a cup of whole milk (no need to use a bottle at this age if you do not wish to do so) or some solid food. If the baby wants to nurse for comfort rather than to satisfy hunger or thirst, you can try another type of distraction such as cuddling, reading a book, or dancing to some music. I found that my child often wanted to nurse when she was bored or needed help with a transition from one activity to another. It helped tremendously to keep her engaged in fun activities and to have something new to offer after the last activity ended. “Oh, are you done playing with the blocks? Would you like to read a story or go outside for a walk?”
Some mothers find that it helps to avoid the situations or locations in which you typically would have nursed. If you always nursed in the rocking chair or on the couch and your child asks to nurse every time you sit down in that place, consider finding a new place to sit or even remaining on your feet. It might be easier said than done, but it’s better than struggling with a child who wants to nurse as you always nursed before.
Another way to cut back on nursings for older babies is to use delay tactics. Some babies may not be ready and able to wait for a nursing session, but you can try saying “We’ll nurse when we get to the car” or “Yes you can nurse in just a minute when I’m done cooking.” There’s a bit of debate about how to handle the next nursing session if you’ve successfully distracted the child from nursing right away. Personally, I felt that if I said we’d nurse when we got home, it was important to follow through and offer to nurse when we got home. Others feel that if the child completely forgets about nursing once you reach home, there’s no need to follow through. If you don’t offer at that time, certainly it would be important not to refuse the next nursing. “Of course you can nurse honey. I remember that we talked about nursing when we got home.”
When I needed to cut back on nursing sessions with my toddler, she had a hard time cutting out the number of nursing sessions so instead we worked on shortening the length of time we nursed at each session. We agreed that she could nurse for the length of time that it took me to sing two “ABC” alphabet songs. As the songs ended, she needed a final warning that it was time to stop nursing and I would say “Three, two, one, done. Pop off please!” She was able to comply with those restrictions much more easily than restrictions on when she could nurse. It was easier for her to hear “Yes you can nurse for a little while” than to hear “Yes you can nurse in a little while.”
Each nursing mother and child will find the best combination of substitution with food or drink, distraction, delay of nursing and shortening of nursing sessions.
Does anyone else have any thoughts and advice on weaning? What worked for you?
Tags: breastfeeding, breastfeeding basics, how-long-to-nurse, Mom-to-Mom, night-weaning, weaningRelated Stories
POSTED IN: Mom-to-Mom, breastfeeding basics, weaning
17 opinions for Weaning A One-Year-Old (Mom to Mom #6)
Sinead
Jan 17, 2007 at 4:29 am
Great advice here, Angela. For me weaning happened very gradually with my two daughters. Once I started finding it all too much - at around 1 year old - I gave the odd bottle of formula, maybe once every couple of days or so. Gradually it became once a day and over the next few months all the breastfeeds became replaced by formula. By sixteen months my daughters were fully weaned.
This time around I’m still happily breastfeeding my 18 month old, but I have no problems giving him an occasional bottle of cows milk as I am gradually weaning him too.
Angela
Jan 17, 2007 at 7:42 am
Thanks for sharing your experiences Sinead. I love to hear about the gradual and gentle methods you used for weaning.
Lisa
Jul 15, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Thanks for the tips that have been posted regarding weaning. They are really helpful but I still have a few questions.
The mom who commented above said that she substituted nursing sessions by giving a bottle of formula while Angela (?) suggests using cow’s milk. Why would one be used over the other at one year?
Also, my daughter drinks out of just about anything and I wondered if I should discontinue use of the bottle in favour of the sippy cup. It’s quite funny… She refused to take milk from anything but me and then one day she decided that she could drink out of everything!
Thanks for your help.
Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Jul 16, 2007 at 6:58 am
Hi Lisa! The formula vs. cow’s milk question is one to ask your child’s pediatrician, but I think it’s safe to say most pediatricians will recommend switching to whole milk at one year–that formula is unnecessary and more expensive at that point.
If your daughter will take a sippy cup, then by all means switch to that! You don’t want to face having to wean from the bottle at a later date. Other options besides a sippy include a cup with a lid and straw, or if you’re really bold, just a cup!
“A” Is for Allergy Prevention and Reduction
Oct 16, 2007 at 5:11 pm
[...] breastfeeding to continue for at least one full year or more. Another reason to continue and to wean slowly when the time comes? The protective effects mentioned above lead researchers to surmise that gradual rather than [...]
Elizabeth
Apr 6, 2008 at 6:55 am
Hello,
I’m a single stay-at-home mom who is still nursing a 16 month old. We nurse before he goes to sleep, occasionally in the morning and sometimes at 3-5AM (4-5/days). He is not a great sleeper and I’m finding myself exhausted.
Especially since we just returned from vacation and he hardly slept for 2.5 weeks. Everytime I’ve offered cows milk he immediately spits it out. A doctor recommended watering it down or even adding chocolate (which I’m not so thrilled about). I have no one else to other the cup to him to assist in the transition. And I believe he is going through severe separation anxiety so I’m wondering if now is the time to start weaning or not. He no longer wants to read books before bed now he’s just pointing to me for milk.
Any advice…..sorry I know that was a lot! :~))
Angela White, J.D., breastfeeding counselor
Apr 6, 2008 at 9:40 am
Adding chocolate to the milk? Oh dear!
It’s great that you’re listening to your instincts. If your son is going through separation anxiety, you are right that now might not be the best time to start weaning. (You could, however, work on shortening the duration of a nursing session, rather than cutting it out altogether, and see if that is something he can handle).
When you’re ready, you could try offering different types of cups — sippy cup without the valve, or a regular cup and straw (breastfed babies do really well with straws!) You could also offer water instead of milk, or some watered down juice. If he’s really having trouble with a cup, you could see if he’ll take breast milk from it as a start (if you can make the time to express milk, and are willing to risk a little spillage!)
Make sure to offer it at times he wouldn’t normally want to nurse, too, so he gets the hang of it. Then he might be more willing to accept a cup in the night or before bed. (It’s very typical that those are the last nursing sessions to go.)
Hang in there Elizabeth! Sounds like you’re doing a wonderful job with breastfeeding. I hope the weaning goes smoothly.
Tia
Apr 8, 2008 at 10:26 pm
Angela,
I have a problem very similar to Elizabeths. My 16 month old daughter is completely unwilling to wean. She only nurses at night but wakes several times through the night, as often as a newborn! My milk supply is now minimal and she becomes very frustrated after only 5-10 minutes. Due to the nature of my husband’s profession, weaning has been left soley to yours truly! She is exclusively nursed and refuses a bottle/pacifier but takes a sippy cup…although very casually. I’ve tried “crying it out”, filling up before bed time and sippy’s during the night with little progress. Any advise?
Gaby
Apr 29, 2008 at 8:28 am
Hi there,
I found your comments very helpful.
I am also looking for advice. My 13 months old son is very attached to me and he is used to fall asleep nursing - I know… not good - We have a routine at night of bath, song, lights off, music and I will rock him while I breastfeed. He also wakes up 2-3 times during the night and he goes to sleep if I nurse, otherwise he will fight, cry, scream.
I am starting to wean him off. I nurse in the mornings (midnights too), during the day if we are home (I work from home part time and stay with him all day) and then at night. I think I want to start with the night routine change so my hubby can help me out to put him down or just for him to learn how to sleep by himself and not while nursing…
Any suggestions?!?!? I am open to everything, not sure about going cold turkey…
Thanks so much for your help!
parul
May 28, 2008 at 12:49 am
my child is 13 months old .she is still taking breastfeed.as i go out shedemands the same.i cant go out for more than a hour.i offer her everything.she has never been on bottle.she wants it only for her craving.wat should i do
Belinda
Jun 6, 2008 at 9:51 am
I too have a 13 month old who unfortunately has fallen into the habit of nursing herself to sleep (i know). I am looking for advice on how to stop her from throwing a fit when i refuse to give her milk. When we are out in public she is usually very good but as she gets tired she becomes unruly and tries to remove my shirt herself. I’ve tried giving her juice, pacifiers, snacks, etc. but nothing seems to work. She just gets aggravated. I am very happy with my decision to breast feed however my breasts have become my daughters security blanket. Now that she is getting so big she doesn’t realize that she sometimes hurts me. She tries to twist and turn while feeding, which combined with the suckling feels like pinching on my end. At this point I am getting very frustrated and do not want to take it out on her so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks
Kim
Jun 8, 2008 at 6:13 pm
I have a very similar situation. My son is 12 months and wants to nurse and demands it! I am trying to wean him but not having much luck. He gets frustrated when I won’t let him nurse. I have found that distractions such as: going outside, dancing and spending time with dad or grandparents can help delay a nursing session. Let me know if you have any other tips. I’ll keep you posted too.
Heather
Jun 20, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Hey, for all of you who have let your child nurse themselves to sleep…Good for you. Only a non-breastfeeding mother would truly advocate against that.
I’m am currently weaning my second child. I breastfed both for a year. The first I weaned in a matter of a week, surprising since she had been a previous marathon nurser. My second is proving more challenging. He is throwing tantrums Nursing 3-4 times at night. 1-2 times in the morning, and once at lunch. He, like his sister, slept in my bed since the day he was born. She was sleeping in her own room by the time she was fourteen months. It took her a week of crying it out. She only cried for 5 minutes as it tired her out quickly. My son, however, can cry and scream, then cry, then scream. It is possible, it is just too much at once. He is being weaned, being asked to sleep in his own bed and cutting a tooth at the same time. I was just hoping the distance would cut down on the night-time feedings. After he wakes twice, however, I am too tired and he ends up back in my bed.
On top of that we are trying to figure out if he has a milk allergy or if he is lactose intolerent. Two very different things, and require different alternatives. He will not drink juice or water. He acts like a sippy cup takes a ton of effort, and now that I have the summer off, refuses a bottle altogether.
Courtney
Jun 26, 2008 at 9:04 am
Heather. I would suggest using soy milk. My son drinks both whole milk and soy milk. He actually enjoys the soy milk a lot better than whole milk.
My son is almost 13 months. Still breastfeeding for morning and night. I have cut out the middle of the night feeding. but i cant get him to sleep in his crib. no matter what i try. I am single parent so it is a lot harder for me when he cries and screams at night. It is very frustrating. Just this past week he started using his sippy cup more and more. I also got him a nuby straw cup and he absolutely loves it. Took to it imediately.
If anyone has any suggestions about keeping him to stay in his bed I would greatly appreciate it.
Belinda
Jul 9, 2008 at 2:22 pm
I greatly appreciate the support given on this website. It’s just nice to know that I’m not the only one with these problems. Since my last posting I’ve weaned(cold turkey) my daughter, all though it was not my first choice. A three day stay in the hospital came as a blessing in disguise for me. The doctor told me that due to my infection and antibiotics I could not breastfeed for a total of 13 days. The three days in the hospital were terrible but not as bad as the emotional breakdown that occurred when my daughter sat crying on my lap. After the first three days home she became use to it and after a week no longer wanted it. She now drinks one bottle before bed and that’s it. I definitely thought that she was going to give me a much harder time than that. So, not that it is the best solution, but if you feel like you’re at the end of your rope like I did perhaps a weekend away is the best thing for the both of you. You’ll be much happier when it’s all over. As far as getting babies to sleep in their own beds I also went with the cry it out method. After two weeks she stays in her crib all night. Good luck to the rest of you and thank you so much for the support.
Lisa
Sep 4, 2008 at 3:43 am
Hello, This info is all so helpful. My situation is similar but a little different because of my work schedule. I have a similar situation where my 11 month old demands night nursing — not a problem when I’m home and I love it. I have to work a 30 hour shift every couple of weeks, so my husband bottle feeds our daughter during the night. (He also works full-time plus 30 hour shifts.) The problem is that my milk supply is running lower because my daughter doesn’t really have full feeds when she nurses at night (more for comfort). When she’s with my husband though, she really sucks down the bottles. I still pump every 3-4 hours at work, no matter what. As of tonight, the freezer reserve of milk was also used up. We have given our daughter formula maybe twice ever (without a problem), so when my husband tried giving it to her tonight (so the breastmilk could be saved for daycare use), she adamantly refused! He’s exhausted, I’m exhausted, and we want to know how to wean the night nursing so we can parent alone more effectively.
We all sleep in the same bed because she refuses to sleep in her crib — lots of crying, whining when we try. We have a small space, so the crib is in our bedroom. It’s always been easier (and more fun to cuddle/nurse) for her to be in bed with us.
I don’t know what to do. I really want to keep nursing as much as she wants and not have to do any formula, but overnight it’s not always possible because of my work schedule. I’ve tried pumping extra sessions, take supplements, eat more galactologues, got a new pump, massage my breasts before pumps, and try to relax. There hasn’t been much improvement in amount. My baby is also taking some solids and juice/water on an inconsistent basis. She uses the sippy cup more for a toy than a drinking receptacle but knows that liquid comes out of it. When she wants something to drink quickly, it frustrates her to use the sippy cup.
How do we introduce formula without being to traumatic? DO we? Should we just start with a bottle of water as a “filler” at night when I’m away? I don’t want my daughter to feel abandoned — she’s starting to exhibit more separation anxiety when we drop her off at daycare as of last week. How long could a night wean take if some nights I’m the only parent around (when my husband works his 30 hour shifts every 4 days)?
Tia
Sep 4, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Ok so I left my plea back in April and got lots of advise but even more comments like mine. I finally weaned our daughter 2 months after I left the above comment (@18 months). I began giving her warm whole milk w/ a half tsp of “sugar in the raw” at bed time. I know!!!,,, but it worked. The sugar helped simulate sweet breatmilk and it wasn’t enough to affect her sleep. We have always shared a bed so instead of laying down with her (she would rather nurse than have the sippy if I did) I would turn the tv on super low or sit in a chair and softly read. To my shock this worked the first night! After a month of this I stopped adding the sugar. Now at 20 months, she goes to sleep in her own bed without a sippy…amazing :) I hope this helps.
Have an opinion? Leave a comment: